It’s 5:27am, I feel like ranting, and…
I feel the need to type.
I don’t think I can get anymore sleep. I’m too excited. I’m going to Galveston today with some amazing people (:. I’m finally glad to get away from all this bullshit for once. There are only a few selected people I can trust now (those people know who they are), because recently pretty much everyone’s been showing me how fake a person can be. Most of the people I talk to only talk to me because I can provide something for them, hah, pathetic. All of these so called “friends” claim to know me. They don’t fucking know me. Not even close. I’m a bit more complicated than that, and none of these “friends” know me that well to completely figure me out, not yet at least. Then they ass kiss when I tell them how I feel about them, because they know if I were out of their lives, they’d be lost. Hmph, but I’m not going to stress about it. I just need to write out how I feel, then it’s in my past. It’s only a matter of time before I cut the string that holds us together…then they’ll drop like flies. Hah. Oh, I can’t wait.
Last night I had a dream, it was really fucking weird. I think it has something to do what happened yesterday.
My dream was about my family, and how they decided to switch to some Hindu religion, Hinduism I believe, and I remember yelling at them because I didn’t want to do it. They insisted that I started worshiping whatever god(s) the Hindu people worship. It was terrible, I remember screaming and yelling at them because I refused to do it. There was something weird about it though. The reason I didn’t want to do it is because, in my dream, when you’re a Hindu child, you must cut off your feet. Which is fucking weird, I know, but besides being weird I think it means something deeper than that. I remember them promising me eternal happiness once they cut off my feet. At what cost? The cost of being footless? Why must I sacrifice something of that importance?
Yesterday, by a “friend”, I was told that I need God in my life. Definitely not the first time I’ve heard that. For a while, I’ve been off and on about religion (or having a relationship with God as certain people like to say) and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ll be moderate about it. I guess people call it Agnostic? Yeah, well that. That dream means a lot to me. If I do some day become a “follower of Christ”, I would have to sacrifice so much. I’m not ready for that. It’s like my dream, losing my two feet. At the cost of what? Eternal happiness that is in no way PROMISED? When I’m told I’ll get eternal happiness, there’s no legal binding contract that I can sign that’ll grant that. Why should I spend my time to risk that? It’s all just a waste. I’m pretty sure all you Christians (or “followers of Christ”) will have something to say in response, but honestly I’ve heard it all.
I don’t have a problem with Christians, and some of my really good friends are actually religious, but they accept my choice.
There’s some things I don’t agree with.
This happens to be one of those things, and if you can’t accept it, why would you waste your time with me?
I wish that “friend” would take the time to read this to see where I’m coming from, but chances are, he doesn’t give enough shit about me to do so. OH, but he still cares enough of me to try and “save” me?
Yeah, okay.
I’m gonna go get ready for G-town now. Glad I got this shit off my chest. Gonna have fun today (:
